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the Infinite

queer identity, death, hope, praxis, song lyrics, and sometimes hubris
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in a dim foggy light, a small winding river is lined with tall grasses and snow-frosted pine trees
on being Exvangelical/on Chronic Illness/on Generational Trauma/on Praxis/on Queerness

can you see in the dark?

You aren’t alone; but the more alone you believe that you are, the more your messiah complex will be able to dictate your feelings and choices.

interior photo of a room that is old and beginning to fall apart. the paint and wallpaper are peeling and there are broken wooden slats in the floor.
on Chronic Illness/on Decolonizing/on Generational Trauma/on Mental Health/on Queerness/the Pandemic

I’m problematic

What’s almost over? What’s just begun? What are we praying for? Where are we going? Let’s follow someone else’s instructions and fly this planet right into the ...

a closeup of a mountain range, partially covered in fog. some trees can be seen on the ground below.
on Deathwork & Griefwork/on Happiness/on Mental Health

chasing joy

I’ve got a ways to go, but this seems like a good start.

a warmly saturated photo of an infant on the left being gently touched on the head by a toddler (me) on the right.
on being Exvangelical/on Generational Trauma/on Harm & Reciprocity/on Hope/on Mental Health

shake the dust

I think one of the only things I can teach my kids is how to shake the dust from their feet when leaving is what’s best.

comic drawing by Effin Birds. there is a bird walking toward the left side of the image. the words 'FUCK THIS SHIT, I'M OUT OF HERE @effinbirds' are drawn on the bottom in a fancy font
on Chronic Illness/on Co-Parenting/on Mental Health/on Rage/the Pandemic

angry

I don’t know how to be angry and kind at the same time, so I pick one or the other, and usually ‘kind’ wins because I was socialized female and I don’t feel com...

an intense photo of the milky way across a starry siky. mountains are silhouetted against the sky in the lower third of the photo.
on Deathwork & Griefwork/on Hope/on Praxis/the Work

one more light

And in the meantime, I’ll listen to Chester Bennington sing my favorite song, in his beautiful voice from beyond the grave, and I will keep looking for the choi...

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hi, I'm Nix

The sidebar got too big so I moved all my words about me to a page: who is Nix?

want to follow me around?

I have a secure group chat on Signal! I use it to send messages sometimes, a few photos, song links, audio recordings, short videos, links to essays or posts I write here, and other foolishness. You'll be able to emoji react to what I post (like an Instagram broadcast channel), and if you want to respond to something you can message me separately if we're following each other there.

Here's the link to the group chat so you can request to join: a Traveling Dragon group chat on Signal

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO ON REPEAT:

CURRENTLY READING:

I am on StoryGraph tracking my reading and the reading challenges I've joined. You can go to my StoryGraph profile if you want to see what kind of reading I'm doing right now.

CURRENTLY WATCHING:

I am using MyDramaList now! Here's my MDL profile and my MDL watchlists. I recommend looking at my 2025 watchlist to see what I've watched already and what's on my massive personal wishlist for the year.

... when Skywoman arrived here, she did not come alone. She was pregnant. Knowing her grandchildren would inherit the world she left behind, she did not work for flourishing in her time only. It was through her actions of reciprocity, the give and take with the land, that the original immigrant became indigenous. For all of us, becoming indigenous to a place means living as if your children's future mattered, to take care of the land as if our lives, both material and spiritual, depended on it.

-- excerpt from Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer

remember who you are

It is our suffering that brings us together. It is not love. Love does not obey the mind, and turns to hate when forced. The bond that binds us is beyond choice. We are brothers. We are brothers in what we share. In pain, which each of us must suffer alone, in hunger, in poverty, in hope, we know our brotherhood. We know it, because we have had to learn it. We know that there is no help for us but from one another, that no hand will save us if we do not reach out our hand. And the hand that you reach out is empty, as mine is. You have nothing. You possess nothing. You own nothing. You are free. All you have is what you are, and what you give.

-- excerpt from The Dispossessed: an Ambiguous Utopia by Ursula K. LeGuin

© 2025 the Infinite + Phoenix Veritas Kelley
who is Nix?