this is not an obituary

a naked woman, Truth, emerging from a well. famous painting reproduced faithfully as a photorealistic image.

cw: implied talk of abortion, death, grief

[context: the strikedown of Roe v. Wade]

Scroll to the bottom of this post for ways to find me and ask for help. No strings.

Today I have words, but I’m not sure that any of them can be adequate enough.

What I want to say, I think, is this:

We are all angry, and some of us are alone. We rage for justice, we weep for the circumstances outside of our control. We panic and we mourn and we want to make contingency plans but it’s not fucking happening today.

This is not an unprecedented time. Time is not really a flat circle; it does turn back on itself in an endless loop, but perhaps if we are lucky the loop is a spiral and we are getting somewhere better, a tiny movement at a time. And maybe we aren’t. Maybe this is the sum of the parts of our struggle; maybe the only thing to hope for is some moments of quiet and perhaps the strength we may find in love.

I’m a deathworker. I am intimately acquainted with the vast lands of water and fire of grief, and regret, and desire, and choices, and the end of choices. Most of us don’t want to make plans for our own death, and beyond it, for the ones we’ll leave behind.

Today it seems like a sham to hide from our eventual mortality. No matter what it is that takes us from here to there — wherever there is, for you — we will all die. Some of us will have a choice in those moments, and many of us will not.

If you need someone to hold your hand while you scream and cry, I am here. If you will someday want someone to help you navigate how to protect your last moments, I am here. I will be here now and I will be here then.

Until that day, we fight.

How to reach out to me: leave a comment here. Email me at nixkelley at proton dot me. Text me at 734-386-0537. Call me on that number and leave a voicemail. Find me on keybase ( Find me here in my room, if you are here in my house. Find me on Facebook Messenger ( Ask for help and I will answer.

featured image is a photorealistic recreation of ‘Truth Coming Out of Her Well’; ‘To Shame Mankind’ is often appended to that title; painted by Jean-Léon Gérôme

Nix Kelley
Co-parent to multiple kids. Writer. Death doula. Member of the Order of the Good Death. Seeker on the Path of Light. Queer, non-binary, & trans.


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