advice nobody asked for, #1

neon sign that reads 'this is the sign you've been looking for'

making statements instead of answering questions; POV: I’m hurting your feelings

1. Sometimes, it’s true that the reason you didn’t do Thing X is because Thing Y was about to happen and it was a happy synchronicity that you didn’t accidentally block a good thing from happening. Sometimes, the reason you didn’t do Thing X is because you put it off for too long and now that door is closed. Some choices have a time limit.

2. You should be in therapy.

3. If you grew up in or spent formative years in the United States, the structural harm inherent in a work-as-worth and ‘if you have less money that means you don’t deserve to have it’ belief system has hurt you even if you’re the most privileged person in the country. A lot of us grew up believing that good non-harmful health care is only for the wealthy. A lot of us grew up with weird taboos around enjoyment and pleasure. We were all harmed.

4. You’re probably not in therapy, because the effort and resources required to get a therapist is beyond your capacity, and you don’t like to spend your personal or shared resources on yourself because you don’t think you deserve it. Or you’re not in therapy because even if you ARE able to expend the resources required, the barriers to entry are difficult by design and you are not in therapy.

5. If almost all of your friends are neurodivergent, guess what (if you’re also neurodivergent you probably do not appreciate being asked to guess)

BONUS: Dolls are creepy.

I hope you enjoyed this un-asked-for list of things I decided you should know. If it hurt your feelings, I feel bad that your feelings were hurt, but I’m not sorry for what I said. (The key to being not-sorry for your choices comes from an intense amount of self-interrogation and acceptance of potential consequences)

— Nix

featured image is a photo by Austin Chan on Unsplash

Nix Kelley
Co-parent to multiple kids. Writer. Death doula. Member of the Order of the Good Death. Seeker on the Path of Light. Queer, non-binary, & trans.


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