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the Infinite

queer identity, death, hope, praxis, & song lyrics
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on Generational Trauma/on Harm & Reciprocity/on Hope/on Praxis/the Work

I tried so hard and got so far

Posted on June 16, 2022 by Nix Kelley / 0 Comment
a four-panel webcomic featuring a mouse and a bird. in the first panel, the mouse says 'nothing is perfect.' in the second panel, there is a closeup of the bird who says 'what about the beauty of nature?' in the third panel, there is a closeup of the mouse, who says 'I AM nature.' in the fourth panel, the mouse says 'and yeah, I'm beautiful, but I make mistakes.'

I can do my best but that never means it’s going to have been enough to keep the monster under the bed from escaping so that it can’t eat anyone.

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on being Exvangelical/on Generational Trauma/on Harm & Reciprocity

born into it

Posted on June 3, 2022 by Nix Kelley / 0 Comment
a black and white photo of me as a baby on my mom's lap. she is looking at me and smiling, and I am laughing.

I can still remember eight or nine-year-old me, asking my dad a question that was heavy on my young heart, hoping for an answer that would help me: why do we do things that are wrong? 

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on Deathwork & Griefwork/on Harm & Reciprocity/on Hope/on Queerness/the Pandemic

I want to love Pride month

Posted on June 2, 2022 by Nix Kelley / 0 Comment
the end of a rainbow emerging from storm clouds over fields

I want accountability. I want change. I want rainbows that remind us to smile and recall how much we love each other, not rainbows that are held up in defiance against everyone that hates us.

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on Deathwork & Griefwork/on Decolonizing/on Generational Trauma/on Harm & Reciprocity/on Rage

the sound of angry people

Posted on May 27, 2022 by Nix Kelley / 0 Comment
closeup of two people holding hands, palm outward, washed in blue light against a red background

Anger is exhausting. Rage burns in us and sometimes we burn too. Rest where you can.

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on Deathwork & Griefwork/on Queerness

queer people deserve deathcare

Posted on May 23, 2022 by Nix Kelley / 1 Comment
in a crowd at a peaceful protest gathering, a person in a white face mask and dark hair with glasses holds a sign that reads 'GOD IS NON-BINARY'

We are always grieving someone else, angry at another loss, raging at the injustice that the most vulnerable of us are always facing.

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on Books I've Read/on Decolonizing/on Harm & Reciprocity/on Hope/on Praxis/the Work

Rocannon’s World, by Ursula K. Le Guin

Posted on May 10, 2022 by Nix Kelley / 0 Comment
a purple-pink starry sky. a small comet streaks across. the foreground is a dark silhouette of mountains.

Choice without accountability is cowardice. It is to lie to yourself and to others.

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Hi, I'm Nix!

I am a genderqueer non-binary trans person. I've trained as a death doula and am preparing to be able to do work in the future as a deathworker and griefworker. I write about death and death-adjacent things fairly often.

I am also a practicing pagan, training in the Path of Light tradition under my elder in Renewal Coven. It is an oathbound lineaged mystery tradition, and I write here about my experiences in my learning and growth from time to time.

I'm also part of an intentional community, a family I chose to be part of, which I also love to write about here.

My current special interests include music and song lyrics, kpop, K-dramas, C-dramas, reading queer fiction, and shitposting on any social media account I have available to me.

FIND ME AT:
Mastodon -- @nixkelley
Bluesky -- @nixkelley
Instagram -- @nixveritas [request to follow]
Threads --@nixveritas

MESSAGE ME:
Matrix -- @nixkelley
Signal -- @nixkelley.78
Discord -- @nixkelley
Whatsapp -- +66 92 593 9073
LINE -- nixkelley


SUBSCRIBE AND I'LL BE IN YOUR INBOX


CURRENTLY LISTENING TO ON REPEAT:


CURRENTLY READING:

I am on StoryGraph tracking my reading and the reading challenges I've joined. You can go to my StoryGraph profile if you want to see what kind of reading I'm doing right now.


DRAMA WATCH HISTORY THIS MONTH:

Watching --
Never Let Me Go, on Viki
Between Us, on iQiyi
Jack & Joker: U Steal My Heart, on iQiyi
Boys in Love, on iQiyi (currently on air)
Naughty Babe, on iQiyi
Perfect 10-Liners, on GMMTV YouTube
Thame-Po Heart That Skips A Beat, on GMMTV YouTube
Dead Friend Forever, on iQiyi

Rewatching --
Love In The Air, on iQiyi
LoveSick 2024, on iQiyi

Finished --
Love In The Air [rewatch], on iQiyi
Love In The Air: Special Episode, on iQiyi
Our Dating Sim, on Viki
See Your Love, on iQiyi
Fish Upon the Sky, on iQiyi
Hidden Agenda, on GMMTV YouTube

MyDramaList profile; MyDramaList watchlists


... when Skywoman arrived here, she did not come alone. She was pregnant. Knowing her grandchildren would inherit the world she left behind, she did not work for flourishing in her time only. It was through her actions of reciprocity, the give and take with the land, that the original immigrant became indigenous. For all of us, becoming indigenous to a place means living as if your children's future mattered, to take care of the land as if our lives, both material and spiritual, depended on it.

-- excerpt from Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer

remember who you are

It is our suffering that brings us together. It is not love. Love does not obey the mind, and turns to hate when forced. The bond that binds us is beyond choice. We are brothers. We are brothers in what we share. In pain, which each of us must suffer alone, in hunger, in poverty, in hope, we know our brotherhood. We know it, because we have had to learn it. We know that there is no help for us but from one another, that no hand will save us if we do not reach out our hand. And the hand that you reach out is empty, as mine is. You have nothing. You possess nothing. You own nothing. You are free. All you have is what you are, and what you give.

-- excerpt from The Dispossessed: an Ambiguous Utopia by Ursula K. LeGuin

© the Infinite + Phoenix Veritas Kelley
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