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the Infinite
queer identity, death, hope, praxis, song lyrics, and sometimes hubris
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Category: on Deathwork & Griefwork

three round hay bales in a foggy field
on Chosen Family/on Chronic Illness/on Deathwork & Griefwork/on Decolonizing/on Harm & Reciprocity/on Mental Health/on Queerness/the Pandemic

I write what hurts my feelings

The pain leads me to what is true.

people marching with many signs, including a large sign held by several people, white with black letters that reads "we who believe in freedom cannot rest" by Ella Baker
on Deathwork & Griefwork/on Hope/on Queerness/the Work

fight like hell for the living

It is never far from my thoughts that some of us have already said our last words to those who are beloved.

closeup of closed flower buds on a tree. the color is suffused with golden sunlight.
on Deathwork & Griefwork/on Grief

the center of the circle

You have no obligation to comfort others. You have space to grieve as much or as little as you can, in each minute and in each day. You do not need to hold emot...

a dark-haired man with a mustache in a short sleeve white shirt is sitting on an old wooden manure spreader, holding the reins of a pair of auburn Belgian workhorses. a young child sits next to him turned away from the camera. another child faces the photographer with a big smile.
on Chosen Family/on Deathwork & Griefwork/on Generational Trauma/on Hope

the promises we inherit

One day, my descendants can rest in the shade of the trees I plant.

sapling with five red leaves on a forest floor
on Deathwork & Griefwork/on Generational Trauma/on Hope

I’m your mother and your father

I want to love deeply without assuming that all the pain is mine to endure.

a pink paper heart ripped in the middle, hanging on a red and white striped wire against a black background
on Deathwork & Griefwork/on Generational Trauma/on Harm & Reciprocity/on Hope/on Queerness

I dream of disappointing my mother

I had a bad dream which was trying to be a good dream, but it was a bad dream because none of it is true.

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hi, I'm Nix

The sidebar got too big so I moved all my words about me to a page: who is Nix?

want to follow me around?

I have a secure group chat on Signal! I use it to send messages sometimes, a few photos, song links, audio recordings, short videos, links to essays or posts I write here, and other foolishness. You'll be able to emoji react to what I post (like an Instagram broadcast channel), and if you want to respond to something you can message me separately if we're following each other there.

Here's the link to the group chat so you can request to join: a Traveling Dragon group chat on Signal


CURRENTLY LISTENING TO ON REPEAT:


CURRENTLY READING:

I am on StoryGraph tracking my reading and the reading challenges I've joined. You can go to my StoryGraph profile if you want to see what kind of reading I'm doing right now.

CURRENTLY WATCHING:

I am using MyDramaList now! Here's my MDL profile and my MDL watchlists. I recommend looking at my 2025 watchlist to see what I've watched already and what's on my massive personal wishlist for the year.

... when Skywoman arrived here, she did not come alone. She was pregnant. Knowing her grandchildren would inherit the world she left behind, she did not work for flourishing in her time only. It was through her actions of reciprocity, the give and take with the land, that the original immigrant became indigenous. For all of us, becoming indigenous to a place means living as if your children's future mattered, to take care of the land as if our lives, both material and spiritual, depended on it.

-- excerpt from Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer

remember who you are

It is our suffering that brings us together. It is not love. Love does not obey the mind, and turns to hate when forced. The bond that binds us is beyond choice. We are brothers. We are brothers in what we share. In pain, which each of us must suffer alone, in hunger, in poverty, in hope, we know our brotherhood. We know it, because we have had to learn it. We know that there is no help for us but from one another, that no hand will save us if we do not reach out our hand. And the hand that you reach out is empty, as mine is. You have nothing. You possess nothing. You own nothing. You are free. All you have is what you are, and what you give.

-- excerpt from The Dispossessed: an Ambiguous Utopia by Ursula K. LeGuin

© 2025 the Infinite + Phoenix Veritas Kelley
who is Nix?